I wish I could teleport
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
