I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
