The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
