Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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