so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
