Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
