Already got asked if we're dating
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Randomize
