He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
