dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
