Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
