yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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