Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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