In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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