It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
