I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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