Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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