At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
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