We're like a lot better than the average bears
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
