this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
