The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Randomize