grandma shit on top of the toilet
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Randomize
