Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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