listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
