You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
