Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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