if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
