You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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