Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
