have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I wish there were birth control emojis
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
