Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
