the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
and she was petting her beer can
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
