I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
