did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
The uberlube is also flammable
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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