Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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