he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
