Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
