this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
