On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
