i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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