omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
