Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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