It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize