so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
