I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
