in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
