I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
