Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
