youre lurking in front of me
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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