Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
