Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
