pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
