if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
What a dumb baby whore.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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