dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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