I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
