Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
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