I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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