if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize